"Walking Alone"

Over the past week many different emotions were swirling around in my little mind and I kind of cracked and did not know how to deal with them. Sometimes it seems that I am walking alone, trying to face the world by myself and the pressure and stress takes it toll. I feel that I am a strong individual, I bottle up everything that I feel, but there are times that I just need to get them out, scream at the world, that is what this whole blog is about. I do not want to seem weak or that I am looking for attention, but I honestly feel that no one is really behind me in anything that I do. I feel that whenever something goes wrong, no matter what it is, I get blamed for it for some reason which hurts more than anything. I feel invisible, that people just walk through me without even caring that they are tearing down my spirits. After a little depression, I simply sweep everything under the cover and try to start all over again, brand new and without any problems. Even though the good times may not last too long, I try to cherish more than anything else. I hope people see that I am in fact human even though I may put up a strong wall, but if you knew everything that I have gone through, you would understand why I have to. Even though with this poem I may be asking people to feel sorry for me, that is not the reason why I wrote it. I just want people to know that I am here, that I can feel, and I don't appreciate all the bullshit that gets thrown my way. Here's to a better day, for me, and for everyone else!

It seems that I'm alone
Cannot get anyone to see
That I am still right here
They just pass through me 

I feel like I lose everyone
I turn around they disappear
I try to wipe the mirror
It never seems to stay clear

What have I done wrong
To be given all the blame
Even if I fixed everything
It just wouldn't be the same

I try my best to be nice
People only show me hate
Maybe I am horrible
Maybe I deserve this fate

I just cannot understand
Why I have to live this way
I'd give all that I have
To receive a better day

Things slip away from me
Because I'm not so strong
I try to grab hold of them
But I can't hold on for long

Things never go right
Makes me not want to live
People want to take from me
But I got nothing to give 

I feel like the outcast
I feel like the freak
Don't want to go on
My future looks so bleak

I keep on running 
Don't know where I'm going
Try to get away from it all
But the pain is now showing

My spirit has been spoken
Self esteem has hit a low
Everyone says it gets better 
But I honestly don't think so

"Homicidal Affair Pt. 3"

Love is a drug that destroys
A pain that makes me sore
After ruining everything
For some reason I want more

It is the silent killer
Creeping up from behind 
You're a treasure they say
Is better not to find

Turning cuts into scars
And ripping out my heart
Addicted to the feeling
From the very start

Your kiss is like poison
That drains the life from me
Your love knocked me out
I'm just living a fantasy 

You say you are a pro
That I'm just a beginner
But in this game for two
What makes you the winner

You give me a heart attack
Make my eyes roll back
You deprive me of air
It is oxygen I lack

You kill with kindness
And you don't even know it
You've made me so weak
When I was strong and fit

Draw blood from my fingertips
One drop at a time
The love you are giving
Should be considered a crime 

You get me hot with fever
No cure has yet been found
Not easy to get over you
When you are always around

Your love is not good for me
It's not what I was waiting for
It is nothing but torture
So why am I craving more

"Homicidal Affair Pt. 2"

I am living a nightmare
That I cannot escape
Scenes from a horror movie
Too gruesome to tape

I always want to run
I fall and scrape my knees
I can't leave this relationship
Even if I say please

I tend to always bleed
You just lick it off the floor
Keep me in a corner
You lock the closet door

The brown eyes I fell for
Are now soaked in red
Only way I'm leaving this
Is when I'm stiff and dead

You are just a monster
Biting deep into my flesh
You have been a problem
I just could not address

Always threatening me
Gun pointed to my head
Won't pull the trigger
If I come back to bed

Slice me in half
Rip out my heart
The affection you don't show
Is what tears me apart

I am dumb enough to stay
In a film, the last to survive
I should not be with you
But I am glad to be alive 

You whip me every time
I try to step out of line
I can only do what I'm told
Can't call anything mine

Damaging my health
But I don't seem to care
I stay put 'cause for me
Finding love is very rare 

I let you beat me
In exchange for your touch
You're sucking up my soul
Taking a bit too much

When I talk back
You cut off a finger
You said the pain will pass
So why does it still linger

"Homicidal Affair Pt. 1"

This piece is my pride and joy, for the moment, because it is something dark and twisted, kind of like me according to others. The meaning behind this poem is how someone can hold on to a love that is so harmful to them that it's basically killing them. I have seen many of my friends get into relationships that were not good for them since the beginning, but they never listened to my advice and got hurt by the one they claimed to love. I have also been in bad relationships with people that felt like they owed me, they tried controlling me and I was dumb enough to stay by their side when it was not the best thing for me to do. With this disgusting poem I felt creativity flow through me in large amounts. This poem took so much of my time, I kept adding and adding to it, that it basically became a poem three times longer than anything I have ever written before. It is only fair that each piece gets its own chance to shine, so my next three entries will be the same piece in three different parts. I just want everyone to know that love is not suppose to be filled with hatred. If the one that you are with does not treat you like the gem you really are then you have no business being with them. Do not let a relationship ruin you! My best wished to you all!

I feel chained to the spot
All you do is punish me
You gouge my eyes out
Lies you don't want me to see

You have wrecked me up
Broke my every bone
To call for some help
You make me beg and moan

I start to hallucinate
Making me go insane
You have dug my grave
Buried me out in the rain

I try to crawl away
But you drag me back
Nails digging into the boards
Throw my body in a sack

I do not feel the love
I feel pleasure and pain
Misery followed you in
Fear invaded my brain

Your hurtful remarks
Like pins piercing my skin
I am infected with disease
How did I let you win

You like the feel of control
Place a leash round my neck
I am bloody and bruised 
A victim of a car wreck

Tear down my spirit
Drag a knife across my arm
I only see you smile 
When you're causing me harm

You like to build me up
Just to watch me fall
Chop me up into pieces
And hide them in the wall

I'm in love with a killer
But I cannot leave you
Seems like your plan worked
Just like you wanted it to

You blind and gag me
So I cannot say one word
The lines of real and fake
Have all become blurred

"More Than Friends"

There are many people in my life that I hold very dearly to my heart. My family and friends are some of the few that have stuck behind me through thick and thin and I could not thank them enough. I have some friends that have been by my side forever, and a couple I have just met but feel like I've known them for years. Friends are an important part of anyone's life, and there are some friends that I develop a stronger attraction for. It is very difficult to balance a friendship and the desire to have a relationship with them, but I have balanced it pretty well in my opinion. I think that a friendship turning into a relationship is a beautiful and natural thing because it just feels right. I love all of my friends more than they would ever know, but there are some that I wish I could be more than friends with. These people have done so much for me, helped me through my toughest times, and I would love to call them mine and sleep next to them in the same bed. There are many who cannot control their intimate feelings towards their friends and it ruins everything, but I would rather have them in my life as friends than not have them in my life at all. I hope one day I could show them that I can really love them, hopefully they give me that chance, but for now I got to live my life and not think about what could be and focus on what is happening now. My heart only has room for a few people, and I am sure they know exactly who they are. Love is a great thing, as are friends!

I want to kiss you
But I always pull back
It's like an addiction
To a drug I seem to lack

With your arm around me
I am floating on air
You allow me to live life
Without a single care 

I want to tell you
How I really feel
Want you to see my love
Make it crystal clear

I respect where you are at
In this moment of life
But I hope you will let me
End all of your strife

It is gonna be hard
That I can understand
Promise I'll make it better
Once I can hold your hand

Something about you
Made sparks just fly
I want to make you smile 
If only you'd let me try

Just hope you aren't scared
To show how you feel
Nothing else should matter
Only that our love is real

So I'll act dumb
And agree with you
I just know what you say
Is not entirely true

I have to control myself
Don't wanna freak you out
You may not know love
I'll show you what it's all about

Right now I call you
One of my best friends
I just hope that is not
Where the story ends

"Glam Inspired"

Besides writing and music, I have a passion for clothes and fashion. If I had to choose my fashion inspirations they would have to be Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga. I love how they present themselves, they both do it in very different ways. Adam has a dark, glam look that I think looks amazing on a guy, whether they be straight or gay. People say I'm not original because I want to dress like someone else, but I can't help the fact that I like eyeliner, spikes, and different hair styles. With Gaga, she does not care what anyone thinks about her outfits, she wears what she wants and every costume has its very own theme. I get excited and happy when I see a piece of clothing that I know no one else has. If it screams original and edgy to me them I will for sure buy it. Halloween is my favorite holiday because I can dress exactly how I want without getting stares from other people. It's not like I care about what anyone else thinks about me, but I just don't like when people judge me for the clothing I wear. I have an over the top style but I can balance it out with everyday looks. I'm a guy, I like glitter, eyeliner, spikes, and I do not think there is anything wrong with that. Everyone should dress in a very theatrical way, very campy and totally glam!

My body is covered
In leather and spikes
I could care less about
What anyone else likes

I work the runway
In six inch boots
Glitter all over me
Back to my glam roots

People can laugh at
The way that I dress
I'm happy with my life
While there's is worthless

Eyeliner black as night
Applied so thick and dark
Rhinestones top it off
Just like a beauty mark

My clothing is a look
Not fit for every day
My unique fashion style
Does not make me gay 

I like different pieces
Edgy, not seen before
I actually get excited 
Walking into a weird store 

I am into costumes
Dressing up is fun
Halloween may be over
That doesn't mean I'm done

My hair has a strange cut
Colors of black and blue
You may laugh cuz I don't
Have the same taste as you 

I am able to express myself
In the outfits I choose
My creativity gets to flow
In my choices, I never lose

Rings on every finger
A true statement piece
I can afford all I buy
Nothing I own is on lease

Gloves tighten around
My left and right hands
I try to explain my concept
No one really understands

I just wear what I want
Stuff that goes with me
I'm not gonna tone down
Who I really want to be

"If I Were To Leave"

This is a piece I wrote a while back, the last poem before I started writing again two years later. It is one of my old favorites, I have about 50 from a few years ago. I wanted to share because I wrote it when so much emotion was running through me. I was having a hard time balancing my life and a relationship, and at times I felt like I could not do it anymore. Everyone finds the person they know is the one for them, they would do anything to make them happy, but what if you couldn't anymore. I was afraid that I would die too soon and leave the person that I thought at the time was "the one". My perfect ending did not happen and I moved on, but I think this poem still carries the same meaning as when I wrote it, just not for the same person. True love does exist and if it is right, nothing will break it up, not even death. I also wanted to post this piece because it shows how my writing has developed and grown, I hope for the better. I look back at all my old writing, some I will share in the future, and I just smile because I basically have my whole life written down. It may not all be good times but I see the strength that I carried. This poem was written with nothing but love, that love disappeared, but I know most of you are with the person you want to spend the rest of your lives with and I just want to wish you all the best of luck. Love conquers all!

If I were to leave
Would you forgive me
If I was taken from you
Would you live in misery

It is out of my hands
Not even you can save me
It's okay, don't be sad
It's how it is meant to be

You are all I live for
Nothing can break us apart
If I were to die today
Would I still have your heart

I don't want to say goodbye
I hope I never have to
Just know I'll never give up
I will always love you

Will you hold on to me
If I breathe no more
Will you be there to catch me
If I fall to the floor

One day I might disappear
Start to fade away
You might have to let me go
But I still love you anyway

You will always have me
Maybe only in memory
Our story may one day end
It will never become history

I promise to be with you
Even if I'm not around
It would be heartbreaking
If no cure is found

You make me feel alive
Even when I'm sinking lower
Hopefully your love for me
Will make my death come slower

I am apologizing now
If I have to leave
It is not your fault
The blame belongs to me

"Unique In Your Own Way"

As someone who has experienced his share of dirty looks and hurtful remarks, I can say that it is about time that everyone realizes that we are really the same even though we choose to live different lives. There is nothing wrong with being proud of your originality, it is what separates you from the crowd. There is not one live that should be held above another, it does not matter who the person is, we are all equal. There are some people out there who question themselves because they are made fun of, they stress out because they are not the same as the others around them. I just want to tell you, and this may sound cheesy, but you are amazing just how you are. Perfection is a strong word to use but everyone really is perfect in their own way and no one should be able to tell them otherwise. I wish for a day that judging and fighting would be completely nonexistent, but until then we all just need to be strong and love the life that we are living now. Do not be afraid to be different because it is what makes this world fun and exciting, who wants boring. A lot of my poems carry the same meaning, but it is a meaning that I think is important, I feel very strong about it and I always will. Love yourself because if you cannot love yourself then how do you expect anyone else to? Peace, love, glitter and grease!

Don't be so insecure
Live life without a care
Questions answered
Just like a prayer

We're the same, you and I
All the same genetic code
We are all traveling
Down the same rough road

Give yourself a break
Don't beat yourself up so hard
Be sure to smile everyday
Don't let down your guard

Don't just walk, strut
With your head held high
In this race, we're equal
Game always ends in a tie

Your life is not worth less
Than the person next to you
Don't think you're nothing
When that's far from true

Shout out with pride
You are one of a kind
You're the beautiful gem
That is difficult to find

No need to be scared
Got friends by your side
You are fierce, so sing
There's no need to hide

Rejoice in all the love
Ignore all the hate
Wanna be true to yourself
It is never too late

You sparkle like glitter
Falling all around
Dance the night with joy
The real you has been found

You're beautiful, you glow
Just like stars in the night
We all want the same thing
There is no need to fight

Perfect in your own way
Judging is not how to go
Promise it will change
But the pace may be slow

We are our own person 
Shouldn't be the outcast
Being unique is good
The ignorance won't last

Until that day comes
When we can all get along 
Love just who you are
And scream to this song

"Keep My Head Up"

This post has been waiting for the right moment to shine, it has been trapped inside my head and phone for a few weeks and I think today is the best time to reveal it. I will remember today for being the day that my icon Lady Gaga released the first single for her third studio album, both titled "Born This Way". Her song is about loving who you are no matter what others say. It carries a strong message about equality and acceptance and, to a certain point, so does this poem. People have always talked about me behind my back for the way that I live my life and I have found ways to not take it to heart. It is hard to hear the negative but I have grown from it, it has made me stronger so I welcome all the haters. Everyone needs to live their life the way that they want to, don't listen to the bullshit that people will say about you because the truth is they mean nothing. Those who poke fun at others are those that I consider the scum of the world, this place would be better without them. The song that everyone has been talking about today, "Born This Way", is an inspirational piece that really makes me feel proud and stronger. Gaga is inspiring people to be themselves and I wish I could do the same for those of you that actually read this piece. Don't be afraid of change, don't be ignorant, love your life, and be happy with who you are and what you have. Words may hurt but they don't really mean anything. My love goes out to you all!

I just fold my hands
And keep on walking
Ignore their evil stares 
Let them keep talking

Words shouldn't hurt
Don't take them to heart
They just want my life
They are slowly falling apart

They want to poke fun
Cuz I am being me
They cannot change
Who I'm meant to be

I've survived some hate
I've withstood it all
They kept on trying
But I shall never fall

I wear what I want
Live my life how I please
Hopefully with some time
The judging will cease 

Just because I'm better
Than you in every way
Does not mean you can try
To darken my bright day

I have stood strong 
And I always will
You have tried to ruin me
But I am here still

Your life may suck
But I am proud of mine
I don't fight back, I'm mature
I know how to draw a line

I am above it all,
All of the name calling
I may lose my balance 
But you won't see me falling 

I am just being myself
I do not wear a label
My sexuality is not something
I need to bring to the table

I am an individual
You may not like what I do
But when I take it all in
I'd never want to be you

"I Am Not A Robot"

I feel that I am a strong person. I have been through many things in my life which has made me mature faster than most people around me. The reason why I found an interest in poetry is because I feel it is a way that I can get my feelings out in a safe way. I have done things to myself that I am not proud of so when my feelings pour onto a piece of paper they are escaping from me. I may not wear my emotions on my sleeve but I do not think that is a bad thing. I am not a fan of crying so I will do anything I can to make sure I don't. People say I have no feelings, that I am cold, because I do not show my emotions but I disagree with those statements and hate to hear them. To say that I have no heart is one of the worst insults I can hear. Call me ugly or dumb, gay or a girl, I can care less, but to saying I have a black heart really hurts. This poem is to show that I am not some robotic creation, I am a human being that has just learned to control the way I express how I feel. My past has influenced my life, I have learned from it, and I should not be looked down upon for the way I handle situations.

My heart does beat
I am not a robot
So stop finding truth
In something that is not

I feel emotions everyday
I am not made of steel
Even though I don't cry
My sadness is still real

You say I don't see you
I cannot see through walls
I see only what you show
Not what is between phone calls

You do not have to study me
There is no manual to read
Conversation and understanding
Are the only things I need

I said I would always be there
But you do not own me
I am not your creation
I do not charge a fee

I do not get stuck or rust
Whenever I shed a tear 
All the hurtful things you said
Made everything very clear

I am not gonna self-destruct
No countdown till I explode
I tried to fix thugs
When they were going cold

I have my own voice
No program to install
I say how things are
The truth, and that is all

You cannot control me
There's no remote to use
I will always fight back
Won't sit and take abuse

My life is not robotic
It does have meaning
On my metal shoulder
Is where you wanna be leaning

"Party Monster"

The next poem up is one completely for fun that popped into my head while I was out with some friends just having fun. As a college student sometimes I need an escape, and dancing and enjoying music is the best way I know how. This piece is a crazy one inspired by some past wild nights, amazing times with friends, and songs out there right now that celebrate the party life. I do not think there is anything wrong with going out and living life, but just remember that there are limits to everything, so don't act stupid just for attention. I think everyone should clear their mind and dance away their problems, you do not have to be stressed out all the time. I do not neccesssrily see myself as a "party monster" but I do feel that it was an appropriate title for this poem. So to everyone, especially college students, let loose on weekends when college is not sucking all the life out of you. Bottom line is have fun because these are the best years of your life. Drinking and clubs may not mix for every person, but if you are smart and responsible you can have one memorable night! Enjoy and drink responsibly lol!

Shot after shot
Club scene, the lights
I am a party monster
That loves wild nights

Step out on the street
Bottle of Goose in hand
Dance the night away
Till we can no longer stand

Music blasting loud
We're moving to the beat
The place is getting packed
Turning up the heat

Feeling so good
After the third round
Forget about your problems
Get your feet off the ground

Gotta take the time
To feel fun in the air
Put your hands up
Like you don't have a care

Let your guard down
Out for a party
Just enjoy the night
Like you're crazy and free

The wild things you do
Will be forgotten the next day
Move your body around
Let the music play

A couple of drinks
Can't do any harm 
Remember where you're at
When you hear the alarm 

Crawl out of the crowd
Right back into bed
The only regret may be
A pounding in your head

Life as a club kid
Is not entirely bad
Monsters always enjoy 
The dark night they had

"Can't Give It All To You"

For the time that I have been in Austin I have met a variety of people, some good and some bad, some I will have in my life forever and some that I wish I never laid eyes upon. Even though all encounters aren't great they are an experience and that is what matters. One of the great people I have met in Austin wanted something I just could not give them at this point in my life..... A relationship. They told me they cared for me and I did, and still do care for them. It is just with an ugly past relationship and my focus on school I just figured a relationship was not the best thing for me right now because I would not put my all into it, that's not fair for the other person. Now things have gotten kind of crazy and I am not sure this person wants to be in my life at all, when I still want them to be. Bottom line is I want them happy and if that means I'm not in the picture as a friend then that is fine with me. Glad I met you, this is for you!

Sorry does not make up
For what I have done to you
I don't know how to fix it
When I've done all I can do

I see the way you look at me
You always show me love
I want you to stay close
Let's not push and shove

You want something
That I cannot give 
You say you will wait
But you have a life to live

It hurts me everyday
To see you in pain
I honestly care for you
And there is more to gain

I do not know when
The answer is not so clear
I hold you in my heart
So please do not fear 

Our times I will cherish
No matter how it goes 
I enjoy being by your side
Hopefully that shows

Let's just be happy
With what we have now
I want to make you smile
Sometimes I don't know how

I will never forget 
The fun that we've had
I don't want to ruin it
To make us both sad

Towards the end of it all
We would just yell and fight
I only want the best for you
It is all that feels right

You have to understand
I'm doing what's best for me
I don't want to live a lie
This is how it has to be 

"To You With Love..."

No one could get on with their lives if they did not have a group of people that were always there for them. Friends are an important part of life and it is a shame to go on living without them. Whenever I had a problem I knew I could count on a certain group of friends to help me through all the rough times. I love all of them the same and I would never want to lose any of them because they have been by my side for a very long time. Even though I have the same love for all my friends, there is one girl that always makes me smile no matter what is happening in my life at the moment. We have never fought or argued and I hope it stays that way because she has helped me through a lot and still does. This girl is something special, and whoever has the honor to call her a friend should be grateful because there is no one out there nicer than she is. I love her with all of my heart and I always will, she is my rock and I hope she enjoys this little something that I wrote with her in mind. Love you!

Words cannot describe
The love I have for you
Forever in my life you'll be
Just one of a lucky few

You brighten up my day
With your contagious smile
Whenever I have a problem
It's your number I dial

You have been by my side
I hope it's where you stay
Many years have gone by
With you I still enjoy every day

I may be mean to you
But it is all just for fun
You shine though my dark
Like the radiant sun

You are amazing 
Never anything but nice
It seems like your friendship
Should come with a price 

I am a lucky guy
To have known you so long
You are so beautiful
You deserve your own song

You are perfect
Just the way you are
You have the brilliant mind
That will take you far

The time I spend with you
I shall always cherish
To keep you forever 
Is how I'd spend a wish

You mean so much to me
Glad I can call you friend
It would be heartbreaking
If it were to ever end

You sparkle, so beautiful
I look to you for advice
Always so kind and warm
Never as cold as ice

Just wanted you to know
I have nothing but love for you
You mean the world to me
Hope you know that is true

"On My Radar"

There are many topics that people do not feel comfortable discussing openly in public, one of those topics happens to be sex. As a young male I am not shy discussing sex, in fact, whenever my friends and I get together it seems like that's where our conversation always ends up. I do not think sex is something that needs to be hidden, no one should be ashamed of it because it is natural and almost everybody is doing it, so don't think you are alone. Even in society, radio stations are banning songs that have sexually charged lyrics and giving R ratings to movies that have a graphic sex scene, I don't think that is right. Sex is not something that everyone can be sheltered from, it is a part of life. I understand that some people do not like talking about what happens in their bedroom, but I should not be looked at in a bad way just because I am comfortable with my sex life. This piece is sort of vulgar I guess, but it was written for fun, nothing anyone should take the wrong way!


You got something I want
Got you on my radar
I catch you staring back
From across the bar

Lick those luscious lips
Throw signs my way
At night my commands
Are the ones you'll obey

Slow it down now
We have all night
This should be amazing
So let us do it right

Let you catch your breath
Before we go any more
If it was good
You should wake up sore

Trust me when I say
It takes two to enjoy
Don't worry nothing's wrong
Being with another boy

I will work you so good
You will scream my name
Right at the moment
You're just playing my game

It may hurt a bit
That I can understand
But just relax
Grab hold of my hand 

I will only be rough
If you ask me to
It is an experience
You cannot rush through

You wanted to get in bed
Now take what I dish out
I will pleasure you
That I have no doubt

Clench your teeth together
You will be alright
I'll take you on a ride
That will last all night

"Our Love Has Grown Cold"

Whether it is an age thing or just plain ignorance, there are many people who have stayed in a relationship for too long even though it was not a good or happy one. One of my first relationships was not what I would call the greatest. but I felt that I had to stay with them because they were the only ones who cared for me. The relationship was filled with hatred and lies, but I was dumb enought to stay in it. At the beginning I did care for this person more than anyone else in my life, but as time went on the picture finally got clearer and I saw things for what they really were. I just want everyone to know that a relationship should be filled with some of the happiest times of your life, if it is not, then there is no reason to stay with that person. Be smart and look out for yourself. This poem is for the person that ruined my life, but also made it better because now I am stronger and happier. Thank you! Hope you like it!

You will never break me
I'm as strong as stone
You thought you had me
My love was only on loan

I seem to attract the bad,
Never get the good guy
I wanted it to work though
I promise that I did try

With you I'd never smile
Only felt the hurt
I knew I was special
You treated me like dirt

So I throw my hands up
Cannot go on anymore
Been through enough pain
I'm walking out the door

Wish I could take it back
My move was not smart
But I'm happy as can be
Cause now we are apart

I may be alone
Call myself single for now
Haven't walked by myself
But I sure will learn how

I see the light now
I'm stepping out of the dark
You may be gone now
But you have left your mark

I did care for you
Even if you caused me pain
With you I always lost
Never did I gain

You are a part of my life
I just needed a break
So know my love for you
Was no where near fake

A hard decision to make
Nervous with sweat
You tried controlling me
Like I was some kind of pet

I have no love for you now
Your hand I won't hold
Put your hand on my heart
It's stopped and grown cold

"Want What I Can't Have"

The one thing that everyone looks for in their live is, in my opinion....... LOVE! Going through my high school years I thought I was in love with someone that I have had in my life for quite some time. I thought I was in love with my best friend which I am sure many other people have gone through. My best friend was always there for me, always looking out for me and for those reasons it just felt right that I grew an attraction towards them. As I have gotten into college I have had a discussion with this friend, almost ruined everything, and I have come to accept that I would rather be friends than nothing at all. This person is amazing in every way, and they will always have a place in my heart whether they be just a friend or something more. This piece is inspired by them, I have never let them read it, if they do now, don't take offense!

Want What I Can't Have

When I'm with you
I put on the biggest smile
We are friends now
But I can wait a while

To call you mine
Is all I can think of
It breaks my heart
To see you can't show love

You have helped me 
Through all of my pain
But you make me feel
Like I am going insane

My knees buckle
Whenever you touch me
I keep hoping for something
We will never be

When I look in your eyes
I hope something is there
It kills me to not have you
It just isn't fair

Sometimes I wonder
If I should let you fall
But a friendship is better
Than nothing at all

I'll just have to realize
This is how it will be
But my love for you
Does not let me see

I will keep pretending
That I don't hurt inside
And live my life
As if I have always lied

If you give me the chance
You will not regret
If I end up leaving
Please do not forget

Just know that I care for you
More than anyone could 
If I could give you it all
I hope you know I would

"What I Believe"

Some people can say they find many things wrong with my life, one of those would be the fact that I do not have a certain religion because I do not really believe in such thing. I am very considerate for anyone who believes in a God or higher power, but there are certain things (rules) that make religion unappealing to me. They say that they accept everyone but being an ex-Catholic myself, I do not think that is true. Just because I don't believe in religion, I don't think that makes me a bad person, it is just a choice that I have made in my life. Plus, some of the things that I have done in my life would not fit in the way things are viewed in church. I wrote a poem that deals with church and love and how, in my life, those two things have not always seen eye to eye. It's a very personal poem that I hope was done tastefully, hope you enjoy it.


I say there's no heaven
Hell, in my book, isn't true
But if I did believe 
My religion would be you

My hand in holy water
I dare not dip
There's no higher power
But you I would worship

Walk down the alter
They say to pray to God
But I attract sin
Like lightning to a rod

I'm not a Catholic
I have fallen so far
Religion shouldn't judge us
For who we really are

Practice what you preach
You shouldn't show hate
I know my soul is fine
In my hands lies my fate

I do not understand
The rules in the book
Love is all around
If only you would look

They may look down on us
Say we will go to Hell
All I know is that with you
My life will go well

If they don't want me and you 
Then I won't be a part
Of a group of people
Who really have no heart

Maybe time will change things
Although I seriously doubt
All the hatred they show
Is the reason I opted out

Cause they should not say
Who I can or cannot love
Shouldn't acceptance be shown
From the one above

"So Gaga For Equality"

I had stopped writing for a while and just recently got back into the swing of things, this poem being the first of the newer ones. I do not try to hide the fact that I am obsessed with pop icon Lady Gaga, she is one of my idols for many reasons. Gaga is the inspiration behind this poem, you could say I sampled a few titles of her songs and incorporated them into the piece. The pop star stands up for equal rights for the LGBT community and that is exactly what this poem is talking about. Inspiration is key in my writing and this was inspired by many things important in y life. Hope you enjoy it!

I will be happy
'So Happy I Could Die'
When I get the right
To show my love for a guy

With my 'Brown Eyes'
I am just the same
As anyone else
Who plays this 'LoveGame'

I do not want to
Put on my 'Poker Face'
When I hold one's hand
In a public place

I want to 'Just Dance'
Without a single care
'No Way' will I stop
Until I get what's fair

It leaves me 'Speechless'
To see how some act
To view me as a 'Monster'
When that's far from fact

If we want a 'Bad Romance'
Then that is our choice
We are original
We have our own voice

We are just people
We are not the news
So call off the 'Paparazzi'
Cuz we have our own views

To not move forward
Is like a 'Dance In The Dark'
We are no different
No distinguishing mark

I will stick by
My own philosophy
I have found 'The Fame'
In total equality

To be viewed as equal
That will come one day
I won't change who I am
Cuz I was 'Born This Way'