"Freak"

*Everyone is allowed to be bad a little! Have a great weekend lol ;)

Making all the boys go mad
Wishing they got what I had
Got them cheering my name
I know they want me so bad

Turn them into a little freak
Make their knees get so weak
They begin to melt away
When I open my mouth to speak

This is all crazy, they know
They just want me to put on a show
They just aren't on my level
I'll just tease em till they blow

I know a way to ease the stress
You just gotta clean up your mess
They all say the more the better
I've had a thing for wearing less

A few more drinks at the bar
Before we get back in your car
A few minutes in my bed
And boy I can make you a star

I can see them burning up
Once they take a sip from my cup
Hypnotized over my body
Like some damn love sick pup

They take a look, jaws drop
A kiss makes their heart stop
Hope you're a success at sex
Not just a pathetic, sad flop

I'll eat you up and spit you out
So stay back if you have a doubt
If you are just a beginner
I can show you what it's all about

So just roll me around the floor
Don't stop till I become sore
If you were really good enough
I'll quickly be craving more

If you're brave step up to the plate
Don't like those who are late
Once I see what I like
There's no need for a second date

You had me shed a tear
The best I've had all year
If you're confident in what you got
Then you have nothing to fear

I know what I like, I'm not a whore
I'll rock you down to your core
If you cannot satisfy my needs
Then show your ass to the door

"Meet Me at the Disco"

Falling down the stage at night
Bruising both my bloody knees
Would you buy me a drink
If I begged and said please?

Wake up in the morning
Black X smeared on my face
Turning over in a stranger's bed
This is not my room, not my place

Couple of shots in my system
My mind has gone a bit hazy
The lights start blinding me
Time to get a little bit crazy

Lost my friend in the crowd
How the hell did I get home?
Walking barefoot in the alley
These streets are mine to roam

Blackout on a Friday night
Seems to always go that way
The drinks stop pouring at 2am
But til 4 o clock is when I stay

Stumbling out the club
Looking like the perfect mess
Do I really know your name?
I don't even wanna take a guess

Smelling of sweat and booze
While I kiss you on the lips
Pull me closer to your "haha"
As you grab me by the hips

The temperature is rising
Off comes my shirt
Wasted the entire night
Might as well roll in dirt

Finish my drinks with ease
Don't need no stupid straws
Partying like the world is ending
To the roof I raise my paws

Need an aspirin to cure the pain
Forget all that happened before
Remember the music blasting
And the feeling of wanting more

"Shot After Shot"

I know you aren't as fast
But can you pick up the pace
Let's just go a little harder
Hit the floor with your face

Six shots, only getting started
Won't stop till the night ends
Seems like being fucked up
Is another fashionable trend

Head spinning round the room
On the verge of a blackout
Some can't hold their alcohol
Show them what it's all about

Take a seat or a knee
When I step up to the plate
Try to come compete with me
You're just a little too late

Hit the counter with the glass
Point the shot to the sky
Bottoms up, take it all
Party like you're gonna die

There's enough to go around
Don't pussy out on your turn
Fell it move down your throat
And just enjoy the burn

I am finally on my way
To the front of the bar
I am not drunk at the moment
But I'm probably not too far

Shatter your glass on the floor
No reason for you to stop
Don't pick up the broken pieces
Lick it up, don't waste a drop

It all starts to go numb
Can't even feel your lips
Can't control what you do
Just take a few more sips

Stumble around with no clue
Lights blind with their touch
Wake up in the morning
Don't remember having so much

--Enjoy the weekend! Party till the world ends! Go Horns!

"Won't Keep Me Down"

After all this I know I'm stronger
I'm holding my head up high
I've always been one to fight
Not gonna lay down and just die

You didn't get the best of me
I am not that easy to break
I was always being real and true
You have always been fake

It wouldn't be hard to forget you
I'm gonna start brand new
I don't regret anything I did
Gonna do what I have to

Your words may have cut deep
I've always been quick to heal
Thought our bond was tight
But your actions broke the seal

I may walk the street alone
I am not lonely, I just smile
All the weight has been lifted
Haven't felt this light in a while

I'm moving on, I'm over this
I'll give one last goodbye kiss
I'm gonna walk the other way
In the end, I'll be the one you miss

You jabbed the knife in me
You seemed to miss my heart
This sad little drama party
Will not tear me apart

If it comes down to it being
Just me, myself, and I
I'll continue on with all my pride
You will never see me cry

Your face is starting to fade
I cleaned all the mess you made
Someone else has filled in
The spot where you once laid

I tried, there's nothing I can do
The pressure is all on you
I'm not gonna stress or worry
Cuz every word I said was true

-- Just know I really did try! My efforts may have made this worse, but they all come with good intentions, never hate!

"I Wish You Were Here"

*My apology... Can't say anything else!

I take pieces from all over
Just to create my heart
These feelings are not mine
I am simply playing a part

No one can really tell me
Who I should want to love
It is the voices in my head
That I must force out and shove

From the moment I saw you
There was something there
I tried throwing my signs
But I felt that you never cared

I now know your actions
Were caused only by fear
I cannot even think anymore
I just wish you were here

I do not want to rush anything
Don't be scared to make a move
Don't listen to what others say
You don't have anything to prove

My heart was growing smaller
You were a new batch of oxygen
Just as I was falling to the floor
You taught me how to love again

You know you don't have to lie
This is the only life you get
I want you to be free with me
Ignore the hate and just forget

I promise that the steps you take
Are the right ones to make
Just please trust in me enough
To know reputation is now at stake

I wish you were here right now
I'd whisper secrets in your ear
Everything will be alright
There's nothing you have to fear

Slam the door on your dark past
The hard part is now done
Just go out and live, have fun
Off your heart you removed a ton

I hope you see that I do care
I only wish that you were here
To look at yourself in the mirror
And see the reflection get clear

"Unopened"

*Things have just been getting out of hand the last few days, everything just hit the damn fan! It is not what I wanted, but I have done all I can to fix everything!

We all peeked into that evil box
Never looked ahead to the end
With everything crashing down now
I wish the love remained unopened

I always had my reservations
I thought I was doing some good
Don't think that I regret any of it
But I'd take it back if I could

The weekend was all a dream
More like a lovesick prison
We decided to go our own ways
And no one gave a real reason

Now I'm taking it all with a pinch of salt
The comments begin to sting
For only three days of pleasure
Who knew of all the pain it would bring

For bonds to start to tear apart
Was not what I wanted to happen
Feel like I'm stuck in one position
And you all begin overlappin'

My words were not gonna remain unspoken
My other's heart is not on lend
If you thought I'd be ok with that
My mouth will not be left unopened

It all played out differently in my mind
But it moved faster than I thought
It is your love and attention
I now wish I never caught

I was terrified to speak the truth
I knew that it had to come out
I mentioned all of my problems
You wouldn't hear what they were about

After all of this horrible mess
I fear that I will have to let go of you
I slap myself, trying to wake up
I don't want my nightmare coming true

I will erase all that was done and said
Hope it will not cause hearts to bend
But I will seal that box and throw the key
To remain forever unopened

"No More"

Haven't posted anything on here for a while, but I have been writing like crazy. Certain things have happened to me over the summer and I turned to throwing everything on a sheet of paper instead of yelling at the people that have caused me grief. So expect more material to pop up on here soon. Thank you to all, and remember to only surround yourself with people who make you better!

I hate you, I just speak the truth
Don't wanna be your friend
Stop acting dumb and innocent
I am writng about this great end

Don't want you to say hi to me
Don't come knocking at my door
You are just scum and dirt
I like sweeping you off the floor

Don't really care what you do
Just don't call me on my phone
I'd enjoy listening to you cry
It is not my fault you are all alone

Seems that without you I'm fine
I can actually say that I'm happy
You want me to apologize now
It looks like you need the therapy

Living was so hard to do with you
Felt like I was trapped there
I am ruuning asa far away as I can
Cuz it is you I can longer bare

You knew I could hear your lies
I chose not to speak and ignore
But you kept acting like a bitch
And I cound not take it anymore

We both know that I am better
Don't think you are heaven-sent
Thought you'd be here forever
Seems like you were just paying rent

Cannot even look you in the eyes
Without getting angry and mad
You have been completely erased
I've burned all the times we had

I do not believe things will change
I have already started to move on
My life has become clearer since
The day I realized that you were gone

Just know the blame belongs to you
In my mind, I know you don't care
But that is all fine with me
Now that you are out of my hair

"Gone In A Flash"

I haven't written anything in a while! I've had every emotion trapped inside of me but I can't seem to get anything out or onto a sheet of paper. I enjoy writing and it's sad that I've lost the passion. This was the last thing I write before my wroter's block began. It's not great, but it means a lot. I'm slowing getting back to my passion, picking up a pen and scribbling down my thoughts. Hope you will return to read everything I have to share :)

Yelling back and forth
Glass smashing on the wall 
Everything is falling apart
Guess we both dropped the ball

You say that you love me
Then your anger begins to show
Wonder if you're being true
Now I shall never really know

I have lived in a fantasy
Perfection is all I ever saw
Was blind this entire time
Never saw the biggest flaw

Don't know what happened
In a flash it all went away
Down the drain, gone so fast
Wish I could erase that day

All the kisses, all the hugs
Now seems like one great lie
I know if I stay any longer my
Heart will beat no more and die

It is a shame that it didn't work
That our love fell to the floor
We both stepped all over it
Until we couldn't take anymore

I cry when I walk out the door
I know I cannot look back
You lose yourself for a second
Self control is what you lack

The environment is not good
This I cannot go through
Even though there's some hate
Know that I'll always love you

You only made me smile
Don't know what went wrong
The bond kept getting weaker
When it started off so strong

Right now the person I see
Is not the one I grew to know
Maybe we need some time apart
Fix it, see where it can go

"Teased"

They are staring at you
The way you move your hips
An attraction is growing for
The way you lick your lips

Move your body so slow
Drop it down to the floor
Tease them just a little
So they come back for more

Drive them as crazy as you want
They are all in your control
Their jaws drop wide open
As they see you work the pole

You don't want any of them
You just like to melt hearts
You enjoy flaunting your
Perfectly made body parts

Just pop lock and drop like
They tell you to do in songs
You place their hand on you
But it is not where it belongs 

Place them under your spell
They always follow you around
Drool spilling onto their feet
Making a puddle on the ground

A slight kiss on their cheek
Sparks will fly everywhere
Whisper into their ear and 
Tell them that you do care

They love everything you do
They are the fools tonight
Want to get their hopes up
You are doing everything right

Play with them all of the night
Then simply push them away
They ask for your number
Waiting for a call everyday

It is your version of fun
There's not really any harm
It was not like you would 
Walk out the club arm in arm

"Universal Love"

Love should be universal
Expressing it should be a right
Denying same sex relations
Is not written in black and white 

Whether you are young or old
No matter where you come from
Experiencing hatred stings
Just like a single shot of rum

No one should be left behind
Every one of us is the same
Do not change who you are
You are not the one to blame

Love whoever you choose to
No matter the color of skin
A man loving another man
Should not be considered a sin

Protecting one's well being
Is a government responsibility 
They have failed at the task
But you have a supporter in me

Grab the hand of your lover
Let your voice be heard
Don't let them silence you
Staying quiet is just absurd

You are perfect in your own way
We are all bright superstars
We won't take cruelty anymore
We will proudly show our scars

We do not ask for very much
Just view us the same as you
Thought we overcame the past
But I guess that is not true

Don't treat us as different
As if we are the outcast
We don't wanna be the victim
Give us something that will last

Does not seem fair or right
To live life as if it were a lie
Had to tolerate name calling
Now you will not see me cry

Won't stop the fighting
Until I start to see a change
I'm not the one who is wrong
Don't want to be seen as strange

Just want to see acceptance
Be treated in a positive way
I don't show hatred to anyone
Don't see why I have to pay

"What is Love?"

Love is a word that many do not know the meaning to, I can put myself in that group unfortunately. I wear the scars that the ones I have "loved" have left me. Whether they be boyfriends, family or friends, I have been hurt countless times and I have come to a point where I feel better and happier just being alone. When I start showing someone that I do care for them everything seems to coming crashing down right on top of me and it takes me a very long time to get back up on my own two feet. I put up a wall for a reason, and when I do let it come down a little I am always the one getting hurt or left behind, I guess it is just my luck. I am not saying that I will never tell someone that I love them or want to be with one person for the rest of my life, but it does take some time on my part. I do not like playing the victim, but I feel that I am always being cast in that role and it sucks more than anything else.

I do not look that much
I am afraid I won't find
The one that is right for me
Scared to be left behind

The feelings that appear
Always seem too strange
The status of relationship
Won't be so easy to change

I guess I am doing it wrong
Can somebody show me how
To be happy and to smile
Can I be in love right now

Many don't know the meaning
It is a word many can't say
Everyone should be loved
Whether they be straight or gay

The emotion is a question
That some consider hard
People shut everyone out
Can't let down their guard

A bond can become strong
Just handle it with care
But most give up too soon
Throw their hands in the air

I viewed love as a myth
Still don't fully understand
Try to learn as it grows
When I grab someone's hand

Love spreads around like fire
I never wanted to get burned
The lesson of a beating heart
Is one that I never learned

I was always scared to share
I always hid behind a wall
Little by little I chip away
It will soon begin to fall

I want to know what love is
Don't think anyone knows
Just give it a fighting chance
See where it actually goes

Not everything is positive
I am not writing a love song
I try to keep my head up
But I've just waited so long

I cannot help myself but
I always seem bored on a date
Sparks just do not happen
Guess it is just my fate

My heart just kept breaking
Took forever for it to mend
I've never experienced love
So is it all just pretend?

"Unmasked"

Sometimes the ones that can cause the most damage in your life are the ones that you cherish and hold close to your heart. Friends are an important part of anyone's life, but those relationships go sour sometimes and it never turns out right. It is a sad thing to experience, one that many go through, but don't let anyone ruin your life. Cut those ties if they are bringing you down or not treating you the way they should. Bottom line is.... Fuck them! You can always find new friends because sooner or later a friend with a grudge will be the one stabbing a knife right in your spine, twisting it ever so gently!

Trusted you too soon
Brought you into my life
Running down the street
In my back lies a knife

Following my every step
You simply have to walk
You come to slit my throat
You don't want me to talk

Did not suspect you at all
Couldn't have committed crime
Bodies falling all around
It was you this entire time

The smile across your face
As you tease with the blade
Step back to enjoy all
Of the cuts you have made

I try to fight you back
You throw me down the stairs
I let out a loud scream
It gets lost in the empty airs

You step on my right leg
Till you hear bones crack 
I try to crawl away in pain
You watch then pull me back

I cannot go to sleep at night
You haunt my every dream
Thought you were good
Things aren't how they seem

You throw me around the room
Slam me against the wall
Pretended to actually like me
You just wanted to see me fall

Taking everything from me
All the ones that I love
Trying to take my place
I was the one always above

Remove the mask you wear
Before I come to my end
How could you do this
Thought you were a friend

"Story Book Love"

A soppy poem describing feelings that are somewhat new to me. Took me a while to fully grab the concept of a few words, but I think I can say that I understand them now. I'm happy, I'm smiling and that doesn't happen very often!


I may not believe in love
That I need a happy ending 
But the feelings I have for you
Are real, I'm not pretending

I was always lost in the dark
But you showed me the way
Your smile gives me the power
To get through my tough day

I do not believe in magic
Faith had nothing to do with this
We just like each other
You had me with your kiss

Witchcraft is just a myth
But I may be under a spell
If I could have you forever
Is something only time can tell

I was falling down a hole
You were there to catch me
Rubbed your hand in my hair
By my side is where you'll be

These feelings are something new
Never felt like this before
I don't know what I'm under
I do know that I want more 

Your eyes just sparkle
As if I am in a dream 
I'll do my best to make sure
We don't tear at the seam

Don't believe in fairytales
But you are the prince
Love had failed me once 
I've had problems ever since

You waited patiently for me
To get over my dark past
You took me to a far place
Where only happiness can last

My eyes are now closed
I open them, you're still here
Know that you've rescued me
I have nothing else to fear

"Forgotten"

Just something written two months ago that I've been meaning to put up, it has just been getting pushed back. I look back at when I wrote this, not that long ago, and I am surprised at how much my life has changed, the way I see things has changed. Bottom line is the fact that now I can smile. All the bad in my past has now been forgotten, and it's how I want it to be.

Wish I could take back
Some things I have done
Flip over the hourglass
And restart my life run

I was always told
I control my own life
It is what helped me
Put down the sharp knife

Days I couldn't breath
Would cut off my own air
They said I'd hurt myself
But I really didn't care

There are some scars
That I can never erase
They said it'd get better
It came at a slow pace

Don't know why I did it
Problems weren't fixed
Guess the pain and pleasure
Just loved to get mixed

I'm glad I can now say
That it is all in my past
At the time I thought
My misery would end fast

Some situations were bad
Kept me from seeing clear
But now I'm built strong
I rarely shed a tear

Growing up in life
With ideas of suicide
Caused me to drink 
To be unhappy and hide

Those couple of years
I wish I could trade
For something that
Did not end in a blade

My life has improved
No tears, just a smile
I have not felt this good
In quite a long while

"Created A Monster"

Simply was inspired by the classic horror monster that started the whole genre. They may not be taken seriously now, but these monsters sometimes carried characteristics of love, but also of terror and held no pity. Love is like a horror movie sometimes, I hope anyone who views it in this way will make it out alive. Maybe make it to the sequel lol!

Just like in the movies
I am always in danger
Guess that's what happens
When you love a stranger

Got my very own zombie
Get no emotions for you
The words that you speak
Are just no longer true

Have a love for vampires
You make my heart stop
You have me with your gaze
Drink up my very last drop

As if it's because of the moon
You change from night to day
You want to go run around
Can never get you to stay

You were once something human 
You are now just see through
Haunting my house and dreams
A ghost that I once knew

Keep running through the woods
Always end up in the same spot
I find your past victims
You have just left to rot

You are nothing but a cannibal
Tearing away at the flesh
Pack the pieces away so
They can stay nice and fresh

I feel that I created you
Responsible for the monster 
The villain in my life 
Is nothing but an imposter

I see now the true evil
That lurks behind the eyes
You rip off my skin
To wear as a disguise 

I can only hear you laugh
When I am in the dark alone
Haunting my every dream
Has me scared to the bone

"In Love With A Killer"

The title of this poem kind of shows my inspiration for the project. Jeffree Star, queen of the Internet, recently released a song of the same name and I found it amazing and just triggered my creative juices. Didn't want to "borrow" the title but I just think it fits in perfectly and captures what I wanted to do with the poem. The poem is dark, I'm not at a dark point in my life, but I was having fun with it and was taking aspects of my life that I have lived through. Hope you like this piece and I have to thank Jeffree for being such an inspiration, can't wait to hear the next album.

Just discovered that 
I am in love with a killer
Feels like I'm in a movie
Or MJ's epic "Thriller"

It's shocking to see that
My pain brought you pleasure
You have caused me harm
That only scars can measure

Your smile is a drug that
Knocks me off my feet
You are licking you lips
Because I taste so sweet

You had your eyes on me
Followed my every move
Held a knife to my throat
Said I had a love to prove

The kindness that you show
Is just a psychotic trick
You speak nothing but lies
That get me deathly sick

Your hands are dripping blood
From the wounds you've made
You see me crying in pain
You won't put down the blade

Even though you're with me
You look for others to kill
You try not to be seen
In the shadows you stand still 

Guess I love the danger
Cuz I can't seem to leave you
You enjoy torturing me
Kissing my lips when blue

Seems like when I'm with you
Everything tends to go dark
The venom that you produce
Has already left its mark

I'm not the first on your list
And I doubt I'll be the last
I wonder where you hide
The bodies of your lovers past

I will do the best I can
To never tell you goodbye
I want to love you forever
Even if you're the reason I die

"Party Nation"

It's Friday, beginning of the weekend and I think everyone just needs to let loose, relax, have fun, and just dance! School is taking its toll towards the end of the semester and I just want to have a good time, there's nothing wrong with that. So put the book down, get your best outfit, rub some glitter and grease around and get your ass on the dancefloor! But remember.... Be careful!

Spending hours wondering
Where the party is at
A great night is in store 
I can promise you that

Raise your hands in the air
If you are part of party nation
If it is your goal to drink
And get into a crazy situation

Your head starts spinning
Till you can't stand anymore
Your staying till dawn comes
So get on the dancefloor

Body dripping with sweat
Rock it along with the beat
Your shirt comes off
Slowly turning up the heat

You are one with the night
The energy is getting high
The club is coming alive 
Party as if you're gonna die

The music is blasting loud
Don't act like you can't feel it
People are going all out
Join them for a little bit

Celebrate sex and youth
Start jumping up and down
Have everyone at your feet
As if you run the town

The crowd starts jumping
Give yourself some space
Dance up on the stage 
As if you own the place

The lights are electric
The spotlight of the night
They are only dimmed
When people party right 

Touch yourself for all to see
Dance without a single care
Take a few more shots
Tap the glasses in the air

Looking at the party nation
Act like the king or queen
Your throne is at DJ's booth
Go and view this club scene

"Stressed Out"

These next few weeks of school will be very stressful indeed. Have a lot due and important exams coming up, hope I can get through it all. No matter how hard your days might get, just know that they will be over very soon. Be strong!

Trying to get through it all
Keep my head held high
Just want it to end
For this day to pass by

Life is not always good
Feeling a bit stressed out
So much on my mind
I need to worry about

Always lift myself up
To hit the bottom hard
I just want to give up
I have played my last card

What I have worked for
Is going down the drain
All my hopes and dreams
Washed away by the rain

Try not to show tears
So I just fake a smile
Sometimes I want to hide
Be alone for a while

Thought I was smart enough
To handle it all
Thought I was strong
But I ran into a wall

I just cannot seem to
Get back on my feet
I hate to say it
But I have been beat

I give it all I have
Get nothing in return
Never giving up is 
A lesson I didn't learn

Recently it seems like
I do nothing but fail
Steel bars holding me back
As if I were in jail

Just need to clear my mind
Cannot let stress win
Breathe and start over
A new day will begin

"15 Minutes Of Fame"

I love seeing how some celebrities are famous one day and then the next they go out and completely ruin everything that they worked for. I'm not saying they are entirely to blame, the media is a reason for their downfall, and it makes me sad that our society enjoys watching it. I don't think I would ever wish to be famous, I would like to be someone behind the scenes: a songwriter, a producer, a journalist, not a celebrity. The saying goes that you really only have fifteen minutes of fame and fortune. This is true for most out there now, but there are the few that extend those few minutes into a lifetime and I applaud them for it. This piece is looking at the dark, horrible side of fame, I'm not saying that there isn't a great and fabulous side. Hope you enjoy!

Cameras are flashing
Lights are blinding me
Trying to run and hide
Somewhere they cannot see

It is difficult to adjust to
What comes with fame
Wish I could go back
Make everything the same

Your private life is
Shown on the tv screen
It shocks me to know
People can be so mean

Succeeding in this world
Always comes with a price
Most only care about money
They just pretend to be nice

They would quickly let you
Drown in your own blood
They can't wait to drag
Your career through the mud

Fifteen positive minutes
Is all that you get
So hurry, make it last
The timer has been set

You are only relevant
If you make the headlines
You are wasting away
They already see the signs

You get the most attention
Once you are dead
They only care about the bad
Never the good life you led

Being famous is a wish
Most cannot handle
You're easy to get rid of
Like the flame of a candle

A piece of advice
Careful what you wish for
People ruined their lives
Because they craved more

"Strangers"

I want the best for you
Don't wanna give you danger
I feel right now you are
In love with a stranger

Feelings running through
I just needed more time 
I did not want to rush
Something in its prime

I wanted to be sure
What we had was strong
Did not want to say I cared
And then prove you wrong

My past has been darkened
But that is no excuse
To treat everyone the same
As if they caused me abuse

I wanna get to know you
Want you to love me
We move at different paces
That's not how it should be 

I guess you don't realize
What you have till it's gone
But if you feel we can't be
Then we must move on

I didn't want this to happen
I was afraid for this day
Losing all that is good
Is a price I have to pay

Maybe we moved too fast
Hardly knew each other
Maybe some more time 
Would be best for one another

At this point in my life
To you I would not be fair
I just want you to know
That I honestly did care

Everything about you and me
Was good, wanted it to last
Hopefully this little break
Won't put it all in the past

"A Man Above God"

This piece mixes elements of religion and love, but also aspects that are complete opposites of each other. These last few weeks have put a toll on me but I am glad that they happened because they allowed my true feelings to come through. Comparing a man to Jesus is a huge compliment and I hope they see that whether they be religious or not, because I am not. This poem is really special to me, and I feel that my creativity is growing day by day. This person holds a large piece of my heart and it is up to them to decide whether they want to keep it or destroy it. This man may not be a god but he is close to one. I hope anyone who reads this sees the emotion that I put into it, I enjoy it and consider it one of my favorites.

This man whose soul I see 
Was perfection when born 
He differs from Jesus 
His head bares no thorn

He heals all my wounds 
And wipes away my tears
He brings light to my life
And erases all my fears

When people throw him stones
He throws them right back
Within his mind and body
Strength he does not lack

As I lay to sleep at night 
It is him I see in my dream
If a nightmare I am having
He wakes me before I scream

He has fixed my broken life 
Led me down the right road
He wraps his arms around me
When my body grows cold

He may speak to someone else
I know he really loves me
His beauty and his powers
Allowed me to finally see

He carries a burden of weight
I wish to relieve him of pain
I will not let him be harmed
The ground his blood won't stain

He is special and unique
A gift from the sky above
This man better than any other
Is the one I've come to love

If people are to judge him
For the life that he lives
He takes in all their hatred
Happiness is all that he gives

This man may not be a God
He has set himself apart
If his death were to come
He has me, an extra heart

"It's Always Been You"

I think I posted this poem a little too late which increases the feelings I had when I wrote it even more. For the first time in a while I was actually happy. Happiness does not come into my life very often and easily, but I knew it was in my life because of one person. This person made me smile and laugh and I was developing feelings for them, I guess my feelings came a little too late though. This poem carries a happy but sad message at the same time because when I read it I feel that I have lost something that I should have held on to. I cannot change the way someone feels about me, but I do wish I could go back and do a lot of things differently. This person is special and I hope they realize that they deserve so much, they are just truly amazing! I may not have them by my side but I still wish them all the happiness in the world. As I am writing this, I have tears rolling down my cheeks, I guess I'm not as heartless as some people thought I was. Maybe things will work out later, but right now I have to respect their wishes. Note to self: don't let the wall you put up ruin good things coming your way.

It is in your hand
Where mine does belong
You are the one who
Makes me feel strong

When I am close to you
I feel nothing but warm 
With you by my side 
I can brave any storm

When I look at you
I cannot help but smile
When I need to talk it's 
Your number I always dial

You are nothing but sweet
May be bad for my teeth
You lifted me off the ground
When I was falling beneath

I get put on a high
Whenever I hear your voice
I'd keep you in my life
If I was given a choice

When you touch my skin
My legs want to give out
At first I was not so sure
Now I don't have one doubt

You brought light to my life
I was running in the dark
You have got me addicted
You have already left a mark

There is something about you
That certain special quality
You do not fake anything
You actually care for me

I have come to realize
My feelings for you are true
Whether rain, sleet or snow
I will not stop loving you

I have never felt like this
Everything is a little strange
But with you by my side
I can accept this change

"Backstabber"

This poem and the last one posted really go hand in hand so I am not going to say anything more about them, they speak for themselves :)

An ungrateful backstabber
Is what I see in you 
You pretend to be innocent
When that's far from true

Ignore me all the time
For help is when you call
I'm walking away from you
I don't care at all

You only used me
To get what you want
Wrong person to mess with
Your dreams I'll now haunt

You are pathetic
Your life means nothing
Now you will get to see
What your lies will bring

I did nothing to you
Was nothing but nice
Being on my bad side
Comes with a hefty price 

I let you into my life
Faster than anyone before
I have to cut the ties
I can't take it anymore

You spread nothing but hate
Whenever I am not there
All I see is a fake person
I can no longer bare

Don't know how it got
To this awful place
Glad I saw the real you
You lied right in my face

Trusted you too much
That was my mistake
It was a dumb decision
I will never again make

Just turn around and walk
Down your road of shame
Seems I've been played enough
I just lost this game

"Done With You"

Sometimes in life you end up in friendships that do not turn out too well. Either you or the other person involved do something that completely ruins any type of relationship that was present. I am very blunt, it is how I live, but friendships are something in my life that I truly treasure, however; I am not going to associate myself with someone that enjoys hurting me. Recently I have seen another side of a "friend" that really set me back. They accused me of things that I had nothing to do with, I think they were just trying to find a way to get rid of me. Instead of talking about me behind my back, I would rather they come straight to me, but they are scared to even do that. This person is hiding something that they don't want anyone to find out and I guess they feel they have to take out their frustration out on me. They aren't happy with themselves, I don't think they will ever be. I tried my best to help and be nice but now I don't really care what is going on in their lives. I may sound heartless at the moment but I was not the one that started this. Anger is present within me now and it is their fault, not mine. Things may work out and our friendship may go back to how it was, but right now it feels awkward and broken. 

Go on and spread
All of your lies
Try to hide the truth
I see it in your eyes

After all of this
You still wanna be friends
Sorry, that option is gone
This is where it ends

I cannot associate 
With someone like you
Placing all the blame on me
When we know it isn't true

I wish you the best
But stay out of my sight 
You say I won't hurt you
But I think I just might

Thought you were cool
Thought we were the same
But now I cannot stand you
Don't wanna hear your name

So just put your head down
I hope you feel some guilt
You destroyed all of it,
The friendship that we built

The time we spent together
You just wasted space
I can quickly find someone
To step into your place

Things between us
Will never be good
If I could fix it all
I don't think I would

You were not the person
That you claimed to be 
Glad you decided to leave
You did a favor for me

I don't surround myself
With what I consider trash
I have no respect for you
You are gone in a flash

"At Your Service"

This piece really speaks for itself and I should just say I was in a state of mind where my fantasies where overpowering reality. As I have said before, sex between you and your partner is nothing to be ashamed about. I write these sorts of poems for fun, some may actually come true. Hope you enjoy! 

Enjoy the sound of
Leather hitting skin
You entered a sex game
You can never win

Strip yourself down
I'll bind you with chains
I'll have you liking all
The pleasures and pains

Bite your neck so hard
Be sure to leave my mark
Put on your blindfold
Leave you in the dark

Smile, you're on camera
Filming from the start
When it is all over
Rewind to the best part

You better do what I say
Know that I'm your boss
If you cannot last long
Then that is your loss

Tie your hands with rope 
Scream into the pillow
I have complete control
I'll tell you when to blow

Slap you around a bit
If you decide not to obey
Step out of line and 
I'll be sure to make you pay

I will pull your head back
As I work to make you sore
No one will ever know what
Happens behind a closed door

I won't stop what I'm doing
Till you can't go anymore
We will move from the bed
And end up on the floor

What ever you can dream of
I'll make sure it comes true
Your fantasies are not weird
I'm just here to service you

"Sorry For It All"

There is not really much to say about this new piece. It basically goes hand in hand with the poem that I posted yesterday. "All My Fault" and "Sorry For It All" are two pieces that express how I am truly feeling and I hope the person that they are for understands this. Both these poems were written when I was in a very emotional state of mind, so I hope the meaning stands strong.

I don't know what to do
Sad to say, I am lost
I would take it all back
No matter what the cost

I made a mistake
I didn't want to let go 
Wanted to make you mine
Guess I was too slow

I saw our relationship
Play out like a movie
It was not that good cuz
It was directed by me

You made me feel things
I had never felt before 
It just makes me sad cuz 
There won't be anymore

I look to my side
You are no longer there
I guess I am to blame
To you, I was not fair

I did not allow me and you
To reach out full potential
You were perfect to me
Met my every credential 

Realizing what I gave up
Has caused my heart to rip
Just want to shoot myself 
No more ammo in the clip

You deserve the best
I couldn't give that to you
Don't have many friends
You are one of the few

I hope you know what I felt
Can only be considered real
Maybe I can get over this 
It will take time to heal

Wishing for the chance
To make this all right 
Cuz at this point in time
My day has turned to night

"All My Fault"

I have only had one real relationship in my past and it did not turn out the way that I wish it had. The time that I called someone mine was honestly some of the worst times in my life. I was young, naive, and did not really understand what love really felt like. Fast forward a couple of years and I seem to treat everyone that shows a liking to me the wrong way which is something that I don't mean to do. I guess I hold a wall up for reasons, but I think that I need to. At this point in my life I feel it would be unfair to the other person in my relationship because I feel I couldn't show them exactly how I felt in this chaotic thing that I call my life. I have come across amazing people, but recently ruined something that was nothing but good. It hurts to know that I ruined something that actually made me smile, but I think I just needed more time to really figure things out. This person is truly amazing and I am really sorry that I made them wait, I have no business telling them to wait. I may not be the best at showing how I really feel, but I swear that I do try the best that I can. Maybe my best just is not enough. I enjoyed every second that I spent with this person, they helped me through tough times and I can never thank them enough for that. I hold all the fault and I just wish the best for them because they truly deserve nothing but great things. 

Didn't understand the bond
It is too late, you're gone
I'm sorry for what I've done
I shouldn't have led you on

I couldn't show you my love 
I always filled up with fear
But now I realize that
I wish I had you here

Even though I put up a wall
I wish you would tear it down
You always made me smile
When my face showed a frown

I would give all I have
To go back to the start
Show you from the beginning
Is when you had my heart

I have no business
Asking for you to wait
It is not you, but myself
Who I should truly hate

All the good times we had
I swear I'll never forget
Not making you mine
Is a decision I will regret

It hurts to know I did wrong
I just want to sit and cry
No one to blame but me
I just want to run and die

I enjoyed holding your hand
I just didn't hold on tight
Walking alone in the dark
Won't make me feel alright

You are truly the best
I am glad that I met you
I'm stupid for doing this
We both know it's true

I hope nothing changes
I hope it stays the same
Because I know I'll be happy
When I hear your name

"Diablo"

Some people are very dominate in their relationships, and there is nothing wrong with that, but there are a few that take it a bit too far. I have met a couple of people who go through relationships like they go through shirts. They take what they want from one person and then move right on to the next one that they can find. Being the aggressive one in a relationship could be viewed as a bad quality, but there is some good that can come out of it as well. Instead of letting someone treat you horribly, you are able to take control of how situations will play out, I think everyone would like to have the upper hand. This poem was inspired by the maneaters out there, but showing them in a positive light by getting rid of the one that has done them wrong. I am a strong person and don't take any crap in my relationships, I will fight back, but I don't think I would ever kill anyone, it is just an analogy. The bottom line is the fact that everyone needs to be strong when they enter a relationship. If you feel that you are in a troubled relationship then you must always stand on your own two feet, never let anyone put you down. This piece has a dark and sadistic tone to it, but I think that it carries a powerful meaning. It is just for fun, don't take it too seriously!

I will drink your blood
Let some pour out
I'll give you something
To be scared about

Fear as you watch
My fangs grow longer
Think you can escape me
I'll show you who's stronger

Rip your heart out
And take one big bite
The organs taste better
Once they're filled with fright

The dishonest liars
Always make a good lunch
I liked the taste of your meat
There just wasn't much

I will snap your neck
Hear every bone crack
Lie to me once I promise
You will never come back

Eat as much as I can
Till I get tired of you
Gotta start digging in
It's gross when you turn blue

I could cook your insides
But I prefer them raw
I don't think killing assholes
Is really against the law

After I get bored and full
I've dug your own grave
Slitting your throat was
The only way you'd behave

Slice you into pieces
They all turn to dust
Your fake mechanical smile
Will slowly turn to rust

If they try me for murder
I swear I won't confess
I won't point them to the body
I got rid of the mess

"Time Stands Still"

To handle all the negativity that surrounds me at certain time in my life, I developed a passion for poetry as you all have noticed already. My poems may not be the best, but I enjoy what I do and nothing will keep me from writing. This piece was written when I was at the lowest point that I possibly could be. Nothing was going right, and I just had a day that I would consider one of the worst of my life, but I made it through and put it all behind me. At times I feel that I am walking slower in time and everyone else is just rushing past me at a hundred miles per hour. I try to get people to stop and listen to me, but they never seem like they want to, they just continue on and ignore me. People always try to knock me down, make me feel like I am nothing, but they cannot keep my spirits down for long because I am stronger than what they think. I may have my moments of vulnerability, that is how these poems come to be, but those moments do not last for very long. I may shed a tear once in a while, but not many people will see them because I do not want anyone to see that side of me. I feel that tears are a sense of weakness, and when people see them once they will continue to make you feel the same horrible way. I bottle everything up, everything that is bothering me, and wait till I am alone to let it all out. I have my own ways with dealing with my sadness and no one should tell me how to deal with the things going on in my life.

Everything passing by me
In the speed of light
Feelings like I stay put
Throughout the day and night

Everyone wears a smile
I just put my head down
I do all I can to stop it
My face still makes a frown

I just keep on walking
No one see my pain
No one stops to help
When I've fallen in the rain

My tears pour down
I quickly wipe them away
My life is stuck on pause
Want someone to hit play

I pretend not to hurt
Act like I really don't care
Truth is, everyday I'm here
Is too much to bare

The weight knocks me down
To my knees on the floor
I try to hold it all in
But I can't take anymore

I try to hide the sadness
But my eyes can't lie
I sit in silence, alone
Watching time fly by

Always think to myself
I don't want to be here
Nothing seems to go right
Happiness is not so near

I use to stand strong
It's all be taken from me
I'm slipping into depression
A place I don't want to be

When everything around me
Is getting cold as ice
I contemplate making my life
The ultimate sacrifice

"Put On A Show"

Before I begin introducing this next project, I am just going to say up front that this next piece is all about sex haha! There is nothing wrong with sharing a passionate moment with someone else, as long as it is good. People always feel weird talking about sex, but I am totally comfortable talking about the subject because I find nothing wrong with it. This poem is just my weird and perverted mind running wild, and I guess my dreams spilled on to the paper which created this piece. I think it is fun and scandalous, there is nothing wrong with combining the two. Sex is something that should not be viewed in a negative way like it has been. If two people want to get together for the rest of their lives, or just one night, then they have every right to experience an amazing feeling with each other. Everyone dreams of having sex they just won't admit it so I am writing this to get people to understand that sex is a natural, great experience. I may not be an expert in this subject, but I do know that I am not afraid to talk about it, neither should anyone else. I hope no one gets offended my this piece, but will simply view it as a regular, sexualized pop song. If no one has a problem with those, then they should not have a problem with this. Have fun everyone! Express your love in a beautiful way.... Ok I am going to stop now before this gets cheesy lol!

Shut your mouth
No need to talk here
Turn the lights off
You got nothing to fear

Let me warm you up
If you get a little cold
Pull out your weapon
I'll make that gun explode

Handcuff you to the bed
Throw away the key
I see what I want
And it is all for me

Set up the camera
Gonna put on a show
Gonna put you to the test
See how long you can go

Gonna turn up the heat
Melt the candles to wax
Won't stop working
Till we both hit climax

Was a perfect angel
You clipped off my wings
You force me to be bad
Made me do dirty things

I will undress for you
Give you a little dance
I am everything you want
Don't pass up your chance

I can be a good sport
So give me all you got
Let me see how you work
See if you hit the right spot

Hope you wear me out
When you take me on the floor
Keep giving it your all
Even if I can't go anymore

Finish our play date
Lay exhausted side by side
Touching each other will
Lead quickly to another ride

"Walking Alone"

Over the past week many different emotions were swirling around in my little mind and I kind of cracked and did not know how to deal with them. Sometimes it seems that I am walking alone, trying to face the world by myself and the pressure and stress takes it toll. I feel that I am a strong individual, I bottle up everything that I feel, but there are times that I just need to get them out, scream at the world, that is what this whole blog is about. I do not want to seem weak or that I am looking for attention, but I honestly feel that no one is really behind me in anything that I do. I feel that whenever something goes wrong, no matter what it is, I get blamed for it for some reason which hurts more than anything. I feel invisible, that people just walk through me without even caring that they are tearing down my spirits. After a little depression, I simply sweep everything under the cover and try to start all over again, brand new and without any problems. Even though the good times may not last too long, I try to cherish more than anything else. I hope people see that I am in fact human even though I may put up a strong wall, but if you knew everything that I have gone through, you would understand why I have to. Even though with this poem I may be asking people to feel sorry for me, that is not the reason why I wrote it. I just want people to know that I am here, that I can feel, and I don't appreciate all the bullshit that gets thrown my way. Here's to a better day, for me, and for everyone else!

It seems that I'm alone
Cannot get anyone to see
That I am still right here
They just pass through me 

I feel like I lose everyone
I turn around they disappear
I try to wipe the mirror
It never seems to stay clear

What have I done wrong
To be given all the blame
Even if I fixed everything
It just wouldn't be the same

I try my best to be nice
People only show me hate
Maybe I am horrible
Maybe I deserve this fate

I just cannot understand
Why I have to live this way
I'd give all that I have
To receive a better day

Things slip away from me
Because I'm not so strong
I try to grab hold of them
But I can't hold on for long

Things never go right
Makes me not want to live
People want to take from me
But I got nothing to give 

I feel like the outcast
I feel like the freak
Don't want to go on
My future looks so bleak

I keep on running 
Don't know where I'm going
Try to get away from it all
But the pain is now showing

My spirit has been spoken
Self esteem has hit a low
Everyone says it gets better 
But I honestly don't think so

"Homicidal Affair Pt. 3"

Love is a drug that destroys
A pain that makes me sore
After ruining everything
For some reason I want more

It is the silent killer
Creeping up from behind 
You're a treasure they say
Is better not to find

Turning cuts into scars
And ripping out my heart
Addicted to the feeling
From the very start

Your kiss is like poison
That drains the life from me
Your love knocked me out
I'm just living a fantasy 

You say you are a pro
That I'm just a beginner
But in this game for two
What makes you the winner

You give me a heart attack
Make my eyes roll back
You deprive me of air
It is oxygen I lack

You kill with kindness
And you don't even know it
You've made me so weak
When I was strong and fit

Draw blood from my fingertips
One drop at a time
The love you are giving
Should be considered a crime 

You get me hot with fever
No cure has yet been found
Not easy to get over you
When you are always around

Your love is not good for me
It's not what I was waiting for
It is nothing but torture
So why am I craving more

"Homicidal Affair Pt. 2"

I am living a nightmare
That I cannot escape
Scenes from a horror movie
Too gruesome to tape

I always want to run
I fall and scrape my knees
I can't leave this relationship
Even if I say please

I tend to always bleed
You just lick it off the floor
Keep me in a corner
You lock the closet door

The brown eyes I fell for
Are now soaked in red
Only way I'm leaving this
Is when I'm stiff and dead

You are just a monster
Biting deep into my flesh
You have been a problem
I just could not address

Always threatening me
Gun pointed to my head
Won't pull the trigger
If I come back to bed

Slice me in half
Rip out my heart
The affection you don't show
Is what tears me apart

I am dumb enough to stay
In a film, the last to survive
I should not be with you
But I am glad to be alive 

You whip me every time
I try to step out of line
I can only do what I'm told
Can't call anything mine

Damaging my health
But I don't seem to care
I stay put 'cause for me
Finding love is very rare 

I let you beat me
In exchange for your touch
You're sucking up my soul
Taking a bit too much

When I talk back
You cut off a finger
You said the pain will pass
So why does it still linger

"Homicidal Affair Pt. 1"

This piece is my pride and joy, for the moment, because it is something dark and twisted, kind of like me according to others. The meaning behind this poem is how someone can hold on to a love that is so harmful to them that it's basically killing them. I have seen many of my friends get into relationships that were not good for them since the beginning, but they never listened to my advice and got hurt by the one they claimed to love. I have also been in bad relationships with people that felt like they owed me, they tried controlling me and I was dumb enough to stay by their side when it was not the best thing for me to do. With this disgusting poem I felt creativity flow through me in large amounts. This poem took so much of my time, I kept adding and adding to it, that it basically became a poem three times longer than anything I have ever written before. It is only fair that each piece gets its own chance to shine, so my next three entries will be the same piece in three different parts. I just want everyone to know that love is not suppose to be filled with hatred. If the one that you are with does not treat you like the gem you really are then you have no business being with them. Do not let a relationship ruin you! My best wished to you all!

I feel chained to the spot
All you do is punish me
You gouge my eyes out
Lies you don't want me to see

You have wrecked me up
Broke my every bone
To call for some help
You make me beg and moan

I start to hallucinate
Making me go insane
You have dug my grave
Buried me out in the rain

I try to crawl away
But you drag me back
Nails digging into the boards
Throw my body in a sack

I do not feel the love
I feel pleasure and pain
Misery followed you in
Fear invaded my brain

Your hurtful remarks
Like pins piercing my skin
I am infected with disease
How did I let you win

You like the feel of control
Place a leash round my neck
I am bloody and bruised 
A victim of a car wreck

Tear down my spirit
Drag a knife across my arm
I only see you smile 
When you're causing me harm

You like to build me up
Just to watch me fall
Chop me up into pieces
And hide them in the wall

I'm in love with a killer
But I cannot leave you
Seems like your plan worked
Just like you wanted it to

You blind and gag me
So I cannot say one word
The lines of real and fake
Have all become blurred

"More Than Friends"

There are many people in my life that I hold very dearly to my heart. My family and friends are some of the few that have stuck behind me through thick and thin and I could not thank them enough. I have some friends that have been by my side forever, and a couple I have just met but feel like I've known them for years. Friends are an important part of anyone's life, and there are some friends that I develop a stronger attraction for. It is very difficult to balance a friendship and the desire to have a relationship with them, but I have balanced it pretty well in my opinion. I think that a friendship turning into a relationship is a beautiful and natural thing because it just feels right. I love all of my friends more than they would ever know, but there are some that I wish I could be more than friends with. These people have done so much for me, helped me through my toughest times, and I would love to call them mine and sleep next to them in the same bed. There are many who cannot control their intimate feelings towards their friends and it ruins everything, but I would rather have them in my life as friends than not have them in my life at all. I hope one day I could show them that I can really love them, hopefully they give me that chance, but for now I got to live my life and not think about what could be and focus on what is happening now. My heart only has room for a few people, and I am sure they know exactly who they are. Love is a great thing, as are friends!

I want to kiss you
But I always pull back
It's like an addiction
To a drug I seem to lack

With your arm around me
I am floating on air
You allow me to live life
Without a single care 

I want to tell you
How I really feel
Want you to see my love
Make it crystal clear

I respect where you are at
In this moment of life
But I hope you will let me
End all of your strife

It is gonna be hard
That I can understand
Promise I'll make it better
Once I can hold your hand

Something about you
Made sparks just fly
I want to make you smile 
If only you'd let me try

Just hope you aren't scared
To show how you feel
Nothing else should matter
Only that our love is real

So I'll act dumb
And agree with you
I just know what you say
Is not entirely true

I have to control myself
Don't wanna freak you out
You may not know love
I'll show you what it's all about

Right now I call you
One of my best friends
I just hope that is not
Where the story ends

"Glam Inspired"

Besides writing and music, I have a passion for clothes and fashion. If I had to choose my fashion inspirations they would have to be Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga. I love how they present themselves, they both do it in very different ways. Adam has a dark, glam look that I think looks amazing on a guy, whether they be straight or gay. People say I'm not original because I want to dress like someone else, but I can't help the fact that I like eyeliner, spikes, and different hair styles. With Gaga, she does not care what anyone thinks about her outfits, she wears what she wants and every costume has its very own theme. I get excited and happy when I see a piece of clothing that I know no one else has. If it screams original and edgy to me them I will for sure buy it. Halloween is my favorite holiday because I can dress exactly how I want without getting stares from other people. It's not like I care about what anyone else thinks about me, but I just don't like when people judge me for the clothing I wear. I have an over the top style but I can balance it out with everyday looks. I'm a guy, I like glitter, eyeliner, spikes, and I do not think there is anything wrong with that. Everyone should dress in a very theatrical way, very campy and totally glam!

My body is covered
In leather and spikes
I could care less about
What anyone else likes

I work the runway
In six inch boots
Glitter all over me
Back to my glam roots

People can laugh at
The way that I dress
I'm happy with my life
While there's is worthless

Eyeliner black as night
Applied so thick and dark
Rhinestones top it off
Just like a beauty mark

My clothing is a look
Not fit for every day
My unique fashion style
Does not make me gay 

I like different pieces
Edgy, not seen before
I actually get excited 
Walking into a weird store 

I am into costumes
Dressing up is fun
Halloween may be over
That doesn't mean I'm done

My hair has a strange cut
Colors of black and blue
You may laugh cuz I don't
Have the same taste as you 

I am able to express myself
In the outfits I choose
My creativity gets to flow
In my choices, I never lose

Rings on every finger
A true statement piece
I can afford all I buy
Nothing I own is on lease

Gloves tighten around
My left and right hands
I try to explain my concept
No one really understands

I just wear what I want
Stuff that goes with me
I'm not gonna tone down
Who I really want to be

"If I Were To Leave"

This is a piece I wrote a while back, the last poem before I started writing again two years later. It is one of my old favorites, I have about 50 from a few years ago. I wanted to share because I wrote it when so much emotion was running through me. I was having a hard time balancing my life and a relationship, and at times I felt like I could not do it anymore. Everyone finds the person they know is the one for them, they would do anything to make them happy, but what if you couldn't anymore. I was afraid that I would die too soon and leave the person that I thought at the time was "the one". My perfect ending did not happen and I moved on, but I think this poem still carries the same meaning as when I wrote it, just not for the same person. True love does exist and if it is right, nothing will break it up, not even death. I also wanted to post this piece because it shows how my writing has developed and grown, I hope for the better. I look back at all my old writing, some I will share in the future, and I just smile because I basically have my whole life written down. It may not all be good times but I see the strength that I carried. This poem was written with nothing but love, that love disappeared, but I know most of you are with the person you want to spend the rest of your lives with and I just want to wish you all the best of luck. Love conquers all!

If I were to leave
Would you forgive me
If I was taken from you
Would you live in misery

It is out of my hands
Not even you can save me
It's okay, don't be sad
It's how it is meant to be

You are all I live for
Nothing can break us apart
If I were to die today
Would I still have your heart

I don't want to say goodbye
I hope I never have to
Just know I'll never give up
I will always love you

Will you hold on to me
If I breathe no more
Will you be there to catch me
If I fall to the floor

One day I might disappear
Start to fade away
You might have to let me go
But I still love you anyway

You will always have me
Maybe only in memory
Our story may one day end
It will never become history

I promise to be with you
Even if I'm not around
It would be heartbreaking
If no cure is found

You make me feel alive
Even when I'm sinking lower
Hopefully your love for me
Will make my death come slower

I am apologizing now
If I have to leave
It is not your fault
The blame belongs to me

"Unique In Your Own Way"

As someone who has experienced his share of dirty looks and hurtful remarks, I can say that it is about time that everyone realizes that we are really the same even though we choose to live different lives. There is nothing wrong with being proud of your originality, it is what separates you from the crowd. There is not one live that should be held above another, it does not matter who the person is, we are all equal. There are some people out there who question themselves because they are made fun of, they stress out because they are not the same as the others around them. I just want to tell you, and this may sound cheesy, but you are amazing just how you are. Perfection is a strong word to use but everyone really is perfect in their own way and no one should be able to tell them otherwise. I wish for a day that judging and fighting would be completely nonexistent, but until then we all just need to be strong and love the life that we are living now. Do not be afraid to be different because it is what makes this world fun and exciting, who wants boring. A lot of my poems carry the same meaning, but it is a meaning that I think is important, I feel very strong about it and I always will. Love yourself because if you cannot love yourself then how do you expect anyone else to? Peace, love, glitter and grease!

Don't be so insecure
Live life without a care
Questions answered
Just like a prayer

We're the same, you and I
All the same genetic code
We are all traveling
Down the same rough road

Give yourself a break
Don't beat yourself up so hard
Be sure to smile everyday
Don't let down your guard

Don't just walk, strut
With your head held high
In this race, we're equal
Game always ends in a tie

Your life is not worth less
Than the person next to you
Don't think you're nothing
When that's far from true

Shout out with pride
You are one of a kind
You're the beautiful gem
That is difficult to find

No need to be scared
Got friends by your side
You are fierce, so sing
There's no need to hide

Rejoice in all the love
Ignore all the hate
Wanna be true to yourself
It is never too late

You sparkle like glitter
Falling all around
Dance the night with joy
The real you has been found

You're beautiful, you glow
Just like stars in the night
We all want the same thing
There is no need to fight

Perfect in your own way
Judging is not how to go
Promise it will change
But the pace may be slow

We are our own person 
Shouldn't be the outcast
Being unique is good
The ignorance won't last

Until that day comes
When we can all get along 
Love just who you are
And scream to this song

"Keep My Head Up"

This post has been waiting for the right moment to shine, it has been trapped inside my head and phone for a few weeks and I think today is the best time to reveal it. I will remember today for being the day that my icon Lady Gaga released the first single for her third studio album, both titled "Born This Way". Her song is about loving who you are no matter what others say. It carries a strong message about equality and acceptance and, to a certain point, so does this poem. People have always talked about me behind my back for the way that I live my life and I have found ways to not take it to heart. It is hard to hear the negative but I have grown from it, it has made me stronger so I welcome all the haters. Everyone needs to live their life the way that they want to, don't listen to the bullshit that people will say about you because the truth is they mean nothing. Those who poke fun at others are those that I consider the scum of the world, this place would be better without them. The song that everyone has been talking about today, "Born This Way", is an inspirational piece that really makes me feel proud and stronger. Gaga is inspiring people to be themselves and I wish I could do the same for those of you that actually read this piece. Don't be afraid of change, don't be ignorant, love your life, and be happy with who you are and what you have. Words may hurt but they don't really mean anything. My love goes out to you all!

I just fold my hands
And keep on walking
Ignore their evil stares 
Let them keep talking

Words shouldn't hurt
Don't take them to heart
They just want my life
They are slowly falling apart

They want to poke fun
Cuz I am being me
They cannot change
Who I'm meant to be

I've survived some hate
I've withstood it all
They kept on trying
But I shall never fall

I wear what I want
Live my life how I please
Hopefully with some time
The judging will cease 

Just because I'm better
Than you in every way
Does not mean you can try
To darken my bright day

I have stood strong 
And I always will
You have tried to ruin me
But I am here still

Your life may suck
But I am proud of mine
I don't fight back, I'm mature
I know how to draw a line

I am above it all,
All of the name calling
I may lose my balance 
But you won't see me falling 

I am just being myself
I do not wear a label
My sexuality is not something
I need to bring to the table

I am an individual
You may not like what I do
But when I take it all in
I'd never want to be you

"I Am Not A Robot"

I feel that I am a strong person. I have been through many things in my life which has made me mature faster than most people around me. The reason why I found an interest in poetry is because I feel it is a way that I can get my feelings out in a safe way. I have done things to myself that I am not proud of so when my feelings pour onto a piece of paper they are escaping from me. I may not wear my emotions on my sleeve but I do not think that is a bad thing. I am not a fan of crying so I will do anything I can to make sure I don't. People say I have no feelings, that I am cold, because I do not show my emotions but I disagree with those statements and hate to hear them. To say that I have no heart is one of the worst insults I can hear. Call me ugly or dumb, gay or a girl, I can care less, but to saying I have a black heart really hurts. This poem is to show that I am not some robotic creation, I am a human being that has just learned to control the way I express how I feel. My past has influenced my life, I have learned from it, and I should not be looked down upon for the way I handle situations.

My heart does beat
I am not a robot
So stop finding truth
In something that is not

I feel emotions everyday
I am not made of steel
Even though I don't cry
My sadness is still real

You say I don't see you
I cannot see through walls
I see only what you show
Not what is between phone calls

You do not have to study me
There is no manual to read
Conversation and understanding
Are the only things I need

I said I would always be there
But you do not own me
I am not your creation
I do not charge a fee

I do not get stuck or rust
Whenever I shed a tear 
All the hurtful things you said
Made everything very clear

I am not gonna self-destruct
No countdown till I explode
I tried to fix thugs
When they were going cold

I have my own voice
No program to install
I say how things are
The truth, and that is all

You cannot control me
There's no remote to use
I will always fight back
Won't sit and take abuse

My life is not robotic
It does have meaning
On my metal shoulder
Is where you wanna be leaning

"Party Monster"

The next poem up is one completely for fun that popped into my head while I was out with some friends just having fun. As a college student sometimes I need an escape, and dancing and enjoying music is the best way I know how. This piece is a crazy one inspired by some past wild nights, amazing times with friends, and songs out there right now that celebrate the party life. I do not think there is anything wrong with going out and living life, but just remember that there are limits to everything, so don't act stupid just for attention. I think everyone should clear their mind and dance away their problems, you do not have to be stressed out all the time. I do not neccesssrily see myself as a "party monster" but I do feel that it was an appropriate title for this poem. So to everyone, especially college students, let loose on weekends when college is not sucking all the life out of you. Bottom line is have fun because these are the best years of your life. Drinking and clubs may not mix for every person, but if you are smart and responsible you can have one memorable night! Enjoy and drink responsibly lol!

Shot after shot
Club scene, the lights
I am a party monster
That loves wild nights

Step out on the street
Bottle of Goose in hand
Dance the night away
Till we can no longer stand

Music blasting loud
We're moving to the beat
The place is getting packed
Turning up the heat

Feeling so good
After the third round
Forget about your problems
Get your feet off the ground

Gotta take the time
To feel fun in the air
Put your hands up
Like you don't have a care

Let your guard down
Out for a party
Just enjoy the night
Like you're crazy and free

The wild things you do
Will be forgotten the next day
Move your body around
Let the music play

A couple of drinks
Can't do any harm 
Remember where you're at
When you hear the alarm 

Crawl out of the crowd
Right back into bed
The only regret may be
A pounding in your head

Life as a club kid
Is not entirely bad
Monsters always enjoy 
The dark night they had

"Can't Give It All To You"

For the time that I have been in Austin I have met a variety of people, some good and some bad, some I will have in my life forever and some that I wish I never laid eyes upon. Even though all encounters aren't great they are an experience and that is what matters. One of the great people I have met in Austin wanted something I just could not give them at this point in my life..... A relationship. They told me they cared for me and I did, and still do care for them. It is just with an ugly past relationship and my focus on school I just figured a relationship was not the best thing for me right now because I would not put my all into it, that's not fair for the other person. Now things have gotten kind of crazy and I am not sure this person wants to be in my life at all, when I still want them to be. Bottom line is I want them happy and if that means I'm not in the picture as a friend then that is fine with me. Glad I met you, this is for you!

Sorry does not make up
For what I have done to you
I don't know how to fix it
When I've done all I can do

I see the way you look at me
You always show me love
I want you to stay close
Let's not push and shove

You want something
That I cannot give 
You say you will wait
But you have a life to live

It hurts me everyday
To see you in pain
I honestly care for you
And there is more to gain

I do not know when
The answer is not so clear
I hold you in my heart
So please do not fear 

Our times I will cherish
No matter how it goes 
I enjoy being by your side
Hopefully that shows

Let's just be happy
With what we have now
I want to make you smile
Sometimes I don't know how

I will never forget 
The fun that we've had
I don't want to ruin it
To make us both sad

Towards the end of it all
We would just yell and fight
I only want the best for you
It is all that feels right

You have to understand
I'm doing what's best for me
I don't want to live a lie
This is how it has to be 

"To You With Love..."

No one could get on with their lives if they did not have a group of people that were always there for them. Friends are an important part of life and it is a shame to go on living without them. Whenever I had a problem I knew I could count on a certain group of friends to help me through all the rough times. I love all of them the same and I would never want to lose any of them because they have been by my side for a very long time. Even though I have the same love for all my friends, there is one girl that always makes me smile no matter what is happening in my life at the moment. We have never fought or argued and I hope it stays that way because she has helped me through a lot and still does. This girl is something special, and whoever has the honor to call her a friend should be grateful because there is no one out there nicer than she is. I love her with all of my heart and I always will, she is my rock and I hope she enjoys this little something that I wrote with her in mind. Love you!

Words cannot describe
The love I have for you
Forever in my life you'll be
Just one of a lucky few

You brighten up my day
With your contagious smile
Whenever I have a problem
It's your number I dial

You have been by my side
I hope it's where you stay
Many years have gone by
With you I still enjoy every day

I may be mean to you
But it is all just for fun
You shine though my dark
Like the radiant sun

You are amazing 
Never anything but nice
It seems like your friendship
Should come with a price 

I am a lucky guy
To have known you so long
You are so beautiful
You deserve your own song

You are perfect
Just the way you are
You have the brilliant mind
That will take you far

The time I spend with you
I shall always cherish
To keep you forever 
Is how I'd spend a wish

You mean so much to me
Glad I can call you friend
It would be heartbreaking
If it were to ever end

You sparkle, so beautiful
I look to you for advice
Always so kind and warm
Never as cold as ice

Just wanted you to know
I have nothing but love for you
You mean the world to me
Hope you know that is true

"On My Radar"

There are many topics that people do not feel comfortable discussing openly in public, one of those topics happens to be sex. As a young male I am not shy discussing sex, in fact, whenever my friends and I get together it seems like that's where our conversation always ends up. I do not think sex is something that needs to be hidden, no one should be ashamed of it because it is natural and almost everybody is doing it, so don't think you are alone. Even in society, radio stations are banning songs that have sexually charged lyrics and giving R ratings to movies that have a graphic sex scene, I don't think that is right. Sex is not something that everyone can be sheltered from, it is a part of life. I understand that some people do not like talking about what happens in their bedroom, but I should not be looked at in a bad way just because I am comfortable with my sex life. This piece is sort of vulgar I guess, but it was written for fun, nothing anyone should take the wrong way!


You got something I want
Got you on my radar
I catch you staring back
From across the bar

Lick those luscious lips
Throw signs my way
At night my commands
Are the ones you'll obey

Slow it down now
We have all night
This should be amazing
So let us do it right

Let you catch your breath
Before we go any more
If it was good
You should wake up sore

Trust me when I say
It takes two to enjoy
Don't worry nothing's wrong
Being with another boy

I will work you so good
You will scream my name
Right at the moment
You're just playing my game

It may hurt a bit
That I can understand
But just relax
Grab hold of my hand 

I will only be rough
If you ask me to
It is an experience
You cannot rush through

You wanted to get in bed
Now take what I dish out
I will pleasure you
That I have no doubt

Clench your teeth together
You will be alright
I'll take you on a ride
That will last all night

"Our Love Has Grown Cold"

Whether it is an age thing or just plain ignorance, there are many people who have stayed in a relationship for too long even though it was not a good or happy one. One of my first relationships was not what I would call the greatest. but I felt that I had to stay with them because they were the only ones who cared for me. The relationship was filled with hatred and lies, but I was dumb enought to stay in it. At the beginning I did care for this person more than anyone else in my life, but as time went on the picture finally got clearer and I saw things for what they really were. I just want everyone to know that a relationship should be filled with some of the happiest times of your life, if it is not, then there is no reason to stay with that person. Be smart and look out for yourself. This poem is for the person that ruined my life, but also made it better because now I am stronger and happier. Thank you! Hope you like it!

You will never break me
I'm as strong as stone
You thought you had me
My love was only on loan

I seem to attract the bad,
Never get the good guy
I wanted it to work though
I promise that I did try

With you I'd never smile
Only felt the hurt
I knew I was special
You treated me like dirt

So I throw my hands up
Cannot go on anymore
Been through enough pain
I'm walking out the door

Wish I could take it back
My move was not smart
But I'm happy as can be
Cause now we are apart

I may be alone
Call myself single for now
Haven't walked by myself
But I sure will learn how

I see the light now
I'm stepping out of the dark
You may be gone now
But you have left your mark

I did care for you
Even if you caused me pain
With you I always lost
Never did I gain

You are a part of my life
I just needed a break
So know my love for you
Was no where near fake

A hard decision to make
Nervous with sweat
You tried controlling me
Like I was some kind of pet

I have no love for you now
Your hand I won't hold
Put your hand on my heart
It's stopped and grown cold

"Want What I Can't Have"

The one thing that everyone looks for in their live is, in my opinion....... LOVE! Going through my high school years I thought I was in love with someone that I have had in my life for quite some time. I thought I was in love with my best friend which I am sure many other people have gone through. My best friend was always there for me, always looking out for me and for those reasons it just felt right that I grew an attraction towards them. As I have gotten into college I have had a discussion with this friend, almost ruined everything, and I have come to accept that I would rather be friends than nothing at all. This person is amazing in every way, and they will always have a place in my heart whether they be just a friend or something more. This piece is inspired by them, I have never let them read it, if they do now, don't take offense!

Want What I Can't Have

When I'm with you
I put on the biggest smile
We are friends now
But I can wait a while

To call you mine
Is all I can think of
It breaks my heart
To see you can't show love

You have helped me 
Through all of my pain
But you make me feel
Like I am going insane

My knees buckle
Whenever you touch me
I keep hoping for something
We will never be

When I look in your eyes
I hope something is there
It kills me to not have you
It just isn't fair

Sometimes I wonder
If I should let you fall
But a friendship is better
Than nothing at all

I'll just have to realize
This is how it will be
But my love for you
Does not let me see

I will keep pretending
That I don't hurt inside
And live my life
As if I have always lied

If you give me the chance
You will not regret
If I end up leaving
Please do not forget

Just know that I care for you
More than anyone could 
If I could give you it all
I hope you know I would

"What I Believe"

Some people can say they find many things wrong with my life, one of those would be the fact that I do not have a certain religion because I do not really believe in such thing. I am very considerate for anyone who believes in a God or higher power, but there are certain things (rules) that make religion unappealing to me. They say that they accept everyone but being an ex-Catholic myself, I do not think that is true. Just because I don't believe in religion, I don't think that makes me a bad person, it is just a choice that I have made in my life. Plus, some of the things that I have done in my life would not fit in the way things are viewed in church. I wrote a poem that deals with church and love and how, in my life, those two things have not always seen eye to eye. It's a very personal poem that I hope was done tastefully, hope you enjoy it.


I say there's no heaven
Hell, in my book, isn't true
But if I did believe 
My religion would be you

My hand in holy water
I dare not dip
There's no higher power
But you I would worship

Walk down the alter
They say to pray to God
But I attract sin
Like lightning to a rod

I'm not a Catholic
I have fallen so far
Religion shouldn't judge us
For who we really are

Practice what you preach
You shouldn't show hate
I know my soul is fine
In my hands lies my fate

I do not understand
The rules in the book
Love is all around
If only you would look

They may look down on us
Say we will go to Hell
All I know is that with you
My life will go well

If they don't want me and you 
Then I won't be a part
Of a group of people
Who really have no heart

Maybe time will change things
Although I seriously doubt
All the hatred they show
Is the reason I opted out

Cause they should not say
Who I can or cannot love
Shouldn't acceptance be shown
From the one above

"So Gaga For Equality"

I had stopped writing for a while and just recently got back into the swing of things, this poem being the first of the newer ones. I do not try to hide the fact that I am obsessed with pop icon Lady Gaga, she is one of my idols for many reasons. Gaga is the inspiration behind this poem, you could say I sampled a few titles of her songs and incorporated them into the piece. The pop star stands up for equal rights for the LGBT community and that is exactly what this poem is talking about. Inspiration is key in my writing and this was inspired by many things important in y life. Hope you enjoy it!

I will be happy
'So Happy I Could Die'
When I get the right
To show my love for a guy

With my 'Brown Eyes'
I am just the same
As anyone else
Who plays this 'LoveGame'

I do not want to
Put on my 'Poker Face'
When I hold one's hand
In a public place

I want to 'Just Dance'
Without a single care
'No Way' will I stop
Until I get what's fair

It leaves me 'Speechless'
To see how some act
To view me as a 'Monster'
When that's far from fact

If we want a 'Bad Romance'
Then that is our choice
We are original
We have our own voice

We are just people
We are not the news
So call off the 'Paparazzi'
Cuz we have our own views

To not move forward
Is like a 'Dance In The Dark'
We are no different
No distinguishing mark

I will stick by
My own philosophy
I have found 'The Fame'
In total equality

To be viewed as equal
That will come one day
I won't change who I am
Cuz I was 'Born This Way'

The Beginning Of A New Blog!

I wanted to start this blog as a sequel to the other one that I currently have up, albumconfessions.blogspot.com. After many attempts to find the best name for this new project I finally settled on "Written In My Mind...", "In My Head" was already taken. This name really describes what I want this blog to be about: my random thoughts that always come pouring out of me at different times during the day. I am a college student currently attending The University of Texas at Austin, and sometimes to keep myself from going insane I take time to calm down and write poems, songs, journal entries, anything that can get my creative juices flowing. I want this to be a place where I can really write about anything I want and hope that people find what I write enjoyable to read. I am a very opinionated, open-minded, and creative person, sometimes I do not have a place to express the talents that I have. My other blog is mainly about music and the reviews I give certain albums. This one will be about anything and everything that is swirling around my head at the moment! My other blog has experienced a certain amount of success which I am extremely happy about, and I am hoping this will garner some attention as well, but I want to start this for my personal entertainment. Let's see where this thing goes, would you like to read what I have Written In My Mind?